Angel Island….The New Land of the Lost
Oh yes, the smell of warm urine in the morning always brings a smile to my face. There is nothing better when you are drudging your way into work to some non descript office building in downtown San Francisco then having to hurdle masses of feces and dodge rivers of urine. For that reason, and that reason alone, I hate my walk from BART to work everyday. Now, you may be asking yourself, “Self, why do I encounter all this urine and feces on my humble journey into work everyday?” The answer is simple, the homeless in this fair city of San Francisco are out of control. Now, I won’t profess to knowing what the right or wrong solution to this problem is, but I will however, give you my solution.
The daily “Sink or Swim” to Angel Island. In a city of 750,000 people and a police force of 1,700 one would think that the numbers of homeless could be organized sufficiently to participate in this life altering event. Heck, we could even televise it. You think Survivor is cool, check out Sink or Swim! Here is the idea. Take the police and have them round up every homeless person in the city. I know this may take sometime, but hey, that’s what they get paid for. Rally the homeless down in one of the wharf warehouses for a couple of days to treat their injuries, feed them and allow them time to rest. Once a majority of them has been collected, you begin the competition.
The mission, should they chose to except it, is to swim from the wharf to Angel Island. They make it, great, they don’t, then they must leave San Francisco never to return. Once on the Island they will be given everything they need to survive to include tools, shelter, medical attention, police protection and so on. Sound kinda familiar? Sound kinda like the aid we give third world countries? Hey, it makes sense, the new Land of the Lost. They can live there for free as long as they need to get off dope, to become educated, to simply just get better and off back into a civilized community.
Set aside the good it would do for the community and the homeless in this city and just think about the hours upon hours of reality television you could get out of this. “Sink or Swim, coming to a station near you. Airing Monday thru Friday 6am to 9am. If you think Survivor is cool, then you’ve got to see this!” You could even run the news in a catchy little banner like CNN at the bottom of the show, awesome.